Why there is no such thing as failure — only feedback — and how it creates resilience
In a world where success is celebrated and failure is often shunned, it might seem counterintuitive to suggest that failing can be a catalyst for building resilience. However resilience is not a trait developed in the absence of adversity but precisely because of it. Failure plays a fundamental role in shaping our resilience.
Failure is, by its very nature, a test of our emotional fortitude. When we fall short of our goals or face setbacks, we experience disappointment, frustration, and self-doubt. It is during these moments of vulnerability that our resilience begins to take root. Resilience is not the absence of negative emotions but the ability to navigate through them, to bounce back from disappointment, and to adapt in the face of adversity.
Each time we encounter failure, we're presented with an opportunity to learn and grow. It's in the aftermath of a setback that we can reflect on our actions, decisions, and strategies. We can ask ourselves what went wrong and why. This process of self-reflection is invaluable for personal development. It enables us to identify our weaknesses, challenge our assumptions, and refine our approaches. Through this introspection, we gain insight and knowledge that fortifies us for future challenges.
Failure, with its accompanying disappointments and setbacks, tests our ability to adapt and persevere. It forces us to re-evaluate our goals, strategies, and expectations. It demands that we summon our inner strength, our determination, and our perseverance. As we encounter failure repeatedly, we develop the mental and emotional muscles necessary to overcome obstacles and keep moving forward. This adaptability and tenacity are the hallmarks of a resilient individual.
In the end, resilience isn't simply about enduring failures but thriving because of them. It's the ability to transform adversity into an opportunity for growth. When we embrace failure as a teacher rather than a foe, we harness its transformative power, enabling us to emerge stronger, more resilient, and better prepared for the challenges that lie ahead. Failure, it turns out, is not the end of the road but a stepping stone on the journey to becoming a more resilient, resourceful, and ultimately, a more successful individual.
The importance of performance coaching in the hedge fund sector
The hedge fund industry, lauded for its sophisticated financial models, quantitative strategies, and intense competition, is no stranger to the challenges of high-stakes decision-making. Every single day, portfolio managers and analysts deal with the weighty responsibility of managing vast sums of capital and strive to deliver consistently large returns to their clients. In this high-pressure environment, mindset—just as much as financial acumen—plays an indispensable role. This is where the transformative power of mindset coaching comes in. Just as athletes turn to coaches to fine-tune their mental and physical performance, hedge fund professionals can also benefit from coaching. At elite level sports and business, there is very little difference in ability—it comes down to mindset.
Through performance coaching, you can create the mindset you require to perform consistently at the highest level. You can resolve negative thinking, remove self-doubt and fear and build unwavering confidence. This can help to build resilient, flexible thinking, and reduce feelings of stress, allowing you to make clear decisions and focus on your strategy.
While the hedge fund sector has historically emphasised technical skills and financial expertise, the industry is beginning to recognise the immense value of a strong, adaptive mindset. By honing their mental resilience, emotional intelligence, and perspective, they are better equipped to navigate the volatile world of finance and deliver exceptional value to their clients. In a game where marginal gains can mean the difference between success and failure, mindset coaching emerges not just as an optional extra, but a crucial tool in a hedge fund professional's arsenal.
Practicing gratitude can positively affect your brain
Gratitude is more than just a positive emotion; it can have tangible effects on the brain's structure and function. For starters, engaging in gratitude practices stimulates the production of serotonin and dopamine, two neurotransmitters essential for mood regulation. When we actively recall and reflect on things we're thankful for, the brain releases these "feel-good" chemicals, leading to increased feelings of happiness and contentment.
Another notable effect is the enhanced activity in the medial prefrontal cortex, a region associated with empathy, perspective-taking, and feelings of relief. When gratitude becomes a regular practice, this area becomes more active, strengthening our capacity for empathy and deepening our understanding of others. Moreover, gratitude can act as a buffer against stress and negativity. By consistently focusing on positive experiences and expressing thankfulness, the brain becomes better equipped to handle adversity, showing reduced activity in the amygdala, the emotional response center, during negative events.
Gratitude also encourages prosocial behavior. When we feel grateful, regions of the brain linked to social bonding and altruism light up. This suggests that gratitude doesn't just make us feel good; it fosters connections, deepens relationships, and binds communities together. In essence, the simple act of recognizing and appreciating the positive elements in our lives can reshape our brain in ways that enhance our emotional well-being and social interactions.
In the morning, I meditate and then think about the things in my life that I am grateful for. Every evening, I then make a list of 10 things that have happened in my day that I am grateful for. This simple exercise can really change how we feel about our life. Try it and see what happens!
Why resilience is important in traders
In the dynamic world of trading, where emotions can swing from ecstatic highs to daunting lows in the span of minutes, mindset plays a pivotal role in ensuring consistency and success. While strategies, analytics, and market knowledge are vital, mindset makes the difference between being a successful trader and one who's constantly struggling. High performance coaching can help traders build indispensable resilience.
Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, setbacks, or failures. In the context of trading, it refers to the trader's ability to bounce back from losses, bad decisions, and periods of poor performance without letting these setbacks derail their long-term objectives.
Some challenges faced by traders are:
Emotional Swings: Market volatility can bring intense feelings of joy, anxiety, hope, and despair.
Decision Paralysis: The fear of making the wrong move can lead to hesitation.
Overconfidence: On the flip side, a few successful trades can lead to overconfidence, resulting in hasty decisions.
Attachment to Outcomes: Being overly invested in the outcome of each trade can cloud judgment.
Mindset coaching can help build resilience in traders by:
Shifting Focus from Outcomes to Process: Mindset coaching teaches traders to focus on the process – the research, the strategy formulation, the execution – rather than getting overly attached to individual trade outcomes. This shift can reduce anxiety and improve decision-making.
Developing Emotional Intelligence: A key component of resilience is understanding and managing one's emotions. I work with traders to recognise their emotional triggers and develop techniques to remain calm and collected.
Reframing Failures: No trader is immune to losses. However, how they perceive these losses can make a world of difference. Mindset coaching helps traders see failures as feedback, opportunities to learn and refine their approach.
Strengthening Self-Belief: Doubt can be a trader's worst enemy. I work on building a trader's confidence, ensuring they trust their knowledge, instincts, and decisions.
With consistent mindset coaching, traders can develop resilience as a second nature. This doesn't mean they won't face losses or challenges; it means they'll be better equipped to handle them, learn from them, and positively move forward.
In conclusion, while the technicalities of trading remain paramount, the psychological aspect cannot be ignored. Mindset coaching is the bridge that links strategy with psychology, helping traders navigate the tumultuous waters of the market with poise, confidence, and resilience. If you're a trader, consider this an investment not just in your career, but in yourself.
Why your core values are so important
If you feel generally unhappy and burned out, it could be that your life doesn’t align with your values. Your values are connected to your beliefs, they give you drive and purpose and inform your decisions. Often we end up living a life based on other people’s values, for example your parents’, your employers’ or your spouse’s, and if they don’t align with yours, this can create real stress and discomfort in your life.
Perhaps your parents valued financial security and pushed you to get a job in finance. You might be living their value but perhaps you value creativity and freedom and this does not align with your career so you feel miserable and depressed. Maybe the company you work for values competition and you value equality and teamwork and every day you feel drained by your experience in the office. You might have a spouse who values peace and quiet but you value connection and companionship and feel cut off and isolated having to live their values.
When your values align with your life, it gives your life meaning and you feel energised by your lifestyle and career, not depleted.
Bringing awareness to your core values and then creating a life that aligns with it can often be a big step towards happiness and inner peace. Sometimes, it only takes small adjustments to be able to bring it into alignment, yet it can make a profound difference to the quality of your life.
Stress
As humans we are programmed for survival and procreation. We have an amazing stress response, designed to kick in when we need to survive a dangerous situation. Society has evolved since the Stone Age, however our stress response has remained the same. It has enabled us to survive and thrive as a species.
When we perceive a threat, our sympathetic nervous system kicks in our stress or ‘fight, flight and freeze’ response. When we are in this state, blood is sent to the muscles ready for action and away from areas of the body which are not needed to escape danger, for example, the digestive system. Heart rate and blood pressure increase, breathing becomes more rapid, we hyperfocus, our hands might become clammy, adrenaline floods the system and we might feel shaky and have butterflies in our stomach. In the Stone Age, where our threat was perhaps a bear, we could outrun it, kill it, pacify it or play dead. We would then return to the tribe where we would celebrate. This completed the stress cycle and our para-sympathetic nervous system would kick in, our rest and digest system. Our nervous system was constantly regulating itself.
Unfortunately, in modern society, most of our stresses are not real life and death dangers so we have nothing to run from, fight off or pacify. We might be stressed about running a company, meeting deadlines and coming home to financial pressures or relationship problems. The more fear we feel, the more we try to control things that can’t be controlled and the more stress we feel. We become stuck in a stress response and never complete the stress cycle. This plays havoc with our health and leads to a dysregulated nervous system. This can look like:
Tight chest
Fatigue
Brain fog / memory issues
Nausea
Gut issues
Anxiety
Chronic pain
Overwhelm
Highly sensitive
People pleasing
Irritability
Perfectionism
Procrastination
These may be signs that you are heading towards a break down.
The answer is not quitting your job and lying on a beach all day (well it might be, but that isn’t always possible or wanted), it is about learning to regulate your nervous system and changing your perspective to remove the fear from the situation so it doesn’t keep triggering your sympathetic nervous system.
If you take a pressure cooker and don’t let off the steam, there will come a point where it explodes.
Listen to a conversation between Caroline Baber and artist / entrepreneur Bonny Snowdon
Are you lacking confidence?
A lack of confidence can manifest itself in many ways, and it can be different for each individual. However, some common signs of a lack of confidence include:
Avoidance: People with low confidence may avoid situations where they feel uncomfortable or uncertain. They may shy away from new experiences, challenges, or social situations.
Negative self-talk: Self-doubt and negative self-talk are common among people with low confidence. They may constantly criticize themselves, focus on their flaws and weaknesses, and have a negative outlook on life.
Indecisiveness: People with low confidence may have difficulty making decisions or taking action. They may be afraid of making mistakes or being judged by others.
Seeking approval: People with low confidence may seek constant approval and validation from others. They may have a strong need to please others and avoid confrontation or conflict.
Perfectionism: People with low confidence may strive for perfection in everything they do. They may set impossibly high standards for themselves and be overly critical when they fall short.
Lack of assertiveness: People with low confidence may have difficulty speaking up for themselves or asserting their needs and boundaries. They may avoid conflict or allow others to take advantage of them.
Procrastination: People with low confidence may procrastinate or delay taking action. They may feel overwhelmed by tasks or doubt their ability to complete them.
Overall, a lack of confidence can have a significant impact on a person's life, affecting their relationships, career, and overall well-being. It's important to work on building confidence and self-esteem to live a fulfilling life.
Being in flow
What does being in flow mean to you?
We hear it often but how do we know if we are doing it?
Sportsmen and women often describe being 'in the zone'. A time when they have total focus and their sport seems completely effortless. They feel they are 'at one'. Time passes quickly with with a feeling of alignment between body and soul.
We will all have experienced these moments at some point during our lifetime. We feel at one when our soul needs and values are being met.
Think about one of these moments and try to identify what values and beliefs you were using at the time that led to this feeling of being in flow. This requires some stillness in the mind.
Once you have identified them, meeting these needs will introduce effortless harmony and joy to your life.
Amongst my values are compassion, kindness, freedom, connection, peace, trust, integrity and equality.
My work and my personal life allow me to be at flow because they align with my core values.
One small way in which I meet my soul needs of freedom and peace, is to walk my dogs at sunrise when there is no one around.
How can you make the small changes so that your life meets your soul needs and values?
The illusion of control
Do you feel like you are juggling so many balls, trying to keep control of every area of your life, yet craving inner peace?
For many years I was a professional dressage rider. I used to think I controlled the 650kg horses that I rode. However, the control I had over them was an illusion. If they chose, they would shatter that in an instant.
We believe that by controlling things we have less to be afraid of. In reality we are unable to control anything other than ourselves, what we think about, how we act and react and the actions that we take. The outcomes are never guaranteed no matter how hard we try to manipulate them.
Trying to maintain an illusion of control is exhausting. Peace comes when we surrender and let go of the outcome. When we trust that everything will turn out exactly as it is meant to.
How are you relating?
Relationships are the foundation of our society, yet are something so many of us struggle with.
The word ‘relationship’ is a noun; however, a relationship is not an object, it is actually the process of relating to someone. Used as a noun we limit our possibilities and therefore our ability to take action. This can be remedied by using it as a verb. When problems arise in a relationship ask yourself ‘How am I relating?’.
When we relate to others, we are coming from our own experiences, beliefs and values and often expecting the other person to behave accordingly. This can create tension in relationships, whether they are in the work place or at home.
We are constantly communicating with people, through spoken word and our body language. Consciously communicating brings a new level of awareness relationships.
Emotions and thoughts get in the way of effective communication.
Pause when emotions come up:
· Do you feel defensive? You hear criticism. This comes from a negative self-belief. If you hone in on the negative aspect of what someone is saying, you make it all about you and are no longer relating. Listen to what the other person is expressing, from a position of neutrality. What is the positive intention within their communication?
· Are feelings of anger coming up? Is there something within you that feels threatened? Are you afraid of losing something you have or not getting something you want? Communicate from a place of compassion and understanding.
· Are you afraid to speak the truth? If fear comes up for you, ask yourself, are the consequences real or imagined?
To relate effectively:
· Remove emotion.
· Pause and listen.
· Think before you speak. Does it need to be said, does it need to be said by me, does it need to be said right now? Communicate respectfully.
· Clarify exactly what you mean and ask questions if necessary.
· Recognise that judgement separates us from others. A relationship is built on togetherness not separation.
· Consider if you need to set a boundary. It should be clear and not be done from anger.
· Notice if you have expectations that you want someone to meet through mind reading. Be clear and reasonable with your expectations.
· Consider what you want to achieve from the communication and have that in mind so that you can get that across clearly. People often do not know what outcome you desire without you expressing it.
· Be specific. Using vague and generalised terms confuses matters.
· You are only responsible for what you communicate, not how the other person reacts. Give them space to say what they need to say.
Remember; say what you mean, mean what you say and don’t say it meanly!
Think of a relationship as a dance, not a battle! You both need to have room to move and express yourselves without stepping on each other's toes. The goal is harmony. And it requires practice.
Perfectionism
Are you a perfectionist? In modern society perfection is held up as aspirational, but it is unobtainable and trying to achieve it is exhausting. You try to control every situation, every outcome, every person and thing around you; if only it would meet your expectations, everything would be fine.
Perfectionism can drive you to higher and higher heights, but nothing ever feels good enough. And conversely it can hold you back, cause procrastination and stop you living your life fully. It sucks all the joy out of life and can lead to anxiety, burn-out, depression and even suicidal thoughts.
As Dr Andrew Hill says, ‘Perfectionism isn’t a behaviour, it is a way of thinking about yourself. Perfectionists feel every bump in the road. They’re quite stress sensitive.’
Perfectionism comes from that inner critic, the voice that tells you that you are not good enough. These are the negative beliefs that you hold deep down in your subconscious. Being perfect becomes entwined with who you believe you need to be and when things don’t work out as you think they should, it can lead to feelings of guilt, shame and anger.
These negative beliefs are usually picked up in childhood. They are so deeply embedded in the subconscious that we don’t always recognise they are there.
The first step to change is awareness. Start to pay attention to the negative self-talk, notice what it is saying. Shine a light on that shadow. Then start to question it and re-frame your thoughts. Ask yourself if this fear is real. Do you know this fear to be 100% true. Look at the evidence to the contrary. Think about how would you feel and behave without the fear? Can you let it go?
When it crops up for you again, you will begin to recognise what it is and can shut it down before it takes a hold.
Letting go takes practice, it is an action we take, not something that happens. The more you practice it, the easier it will become.
A spiritual way of being
I am reading a beautiful book at the moment, The Art of Surrender by Eiman Al Zaabi. I highly recommend it to anyone questioning their purpose or the meaning of life, and seeking a more spiritual way of being.
Too often, I see people at breaking point, they are driven by ego, chasing material things, blaming situations and others and neglecting their soul needs. The disconnection causes pain.
As Eiman says, ‘When you’re working with yourself, anything that throws you out of balance is essentially calling for your attention. You’re being called to learn a little bit more about yourself in order to restore balance and harmony in your life.’
Once we truly understand who we are and what is driving us, then we can begin to bring balance back into our life. And it becomes almost effortless.
Morning routine
Beautiful day for an early morning dog walk.
Change
Have you lost the ability to switch off? If we are constantly living in stress and fear we can’t switch off, our body is ready for fight or flight and our immune system shuts down. Some off us turn to drink and drugs to switch off which in turn creates more anxiety.
The age old practice of meditation allows us to slow down our brain waves. Advanced practitioners can reach a theta state which is when the brain waves slow down enough that we can access our subconscious and quieten the conscious mind (the one that tells us we have a million things to do). As adults we are usually only in a theta state just before we fall asleep and just before we wake up.
When we learn to access this state, we can more effectively influence the subconscious that is normally inaccessible to us.
In this state, we are capable of deep healing and growth.
Hypnotists use this state to allow us to influence the subconscious.
Meditation, like anything, takes practice.
At first the conscious mind tries to interfere, ‘I am too busy for this’, ‘I can’t do this’, ‘it doesn’t work’, ‘this is a waste of time’, ‘it is annoying’.
I used to find this and eventually it became easier and easier and now it is part of my daily routine.